When you’re feeling overwhelmed, you want to run. Your thoughts feel scattered, lungs tight, and pressure builds in your head. Sometimes the signs of overwhelm are pretty intense and obvious. Other times, they’re far more subtle and you don’t even notice until the last straw hits.
Either way, at times it may be too difficult to manage your feelings, thoughts, and circumstances before being overwhelmed by them. And if you’re like me, you feel even more overwhelmed if your usual coping strategies don’t seem to be working.
I’ve had a few encounters with feeling overwhelmed recently. The sensations feel very fresh for me as I write this. In some of those moments, my go-to methods worked well enough to self-soothe and return to center.
But there were other instances when I realized I needed more than what I could do on my own.
I needed support.
That may sound basic and obvious, but the truth is that it’s not always easy to ask for help. In fact, it’s not always easy to even recognize that you need support.
We live in a highly individualistic culture that says pull yourself up and push through stress. These standards can make you feel like you’re supposed to be able to do it all on your own.
Beyond that, many of us have even felt shamed or dismissed by someone we thought we trusted. These influences can prevent us from asking for support when we need it.
So, when it comes to making the support recipe work, I’ve learned that there are three ingredients that need to be in place.
3 Key Ingredients for Support When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed
1. Recognize when you feel overwhelmed.
It’s important to be able to notice when you start feeling overwhelmed since it can sneak up before you know it. Pay attention to the state of your body and mind.
The other day I told my partner I needed time alone to “sit with” and “feel out” some difficult choices I was in the process of making. He stepped away, and as I spent some time with myself, my brain became a frenetic scatter of jumping from one aspect of this decision to another.
When he returned, I huffed and told him he came back too early and I needed more time. It was then I realized that I was overthinking and making this harder than it needed to be. Perhaps I could benefit from his help. He wanted to help, so I let him. He was able to break things into manageable pieces, and in the end, I felt relieved with a greater sense of direction.
Don’t underestimate the power of knowing when you need to take a step back from what you’re doing to reassess. You may be able to manage alone, but support can be a powerful gift.
2. Seek the right source of support.
Be discerning about who you ask for help. The best support person or group in one circumstance may not be the same in another.
A few weeks ago, I had an argument with someone. I was overcome with anger, and of course, underneath I felt hurt. And while I have many supportive people in my life, there are some things that go too deep for that kind of support structure.
I considered scheduling with my therapist, but then remembered I had a trauma processing training coming up in a couple days. I knew those practice sessions would allow me to shift some of what I was feeling.
I was right. The way others held space for me to heal that weekend allowed me to fully embody my compassionate self, which also helped me communicate better with this person later.
In some cases, the help of a trained professional can be essential in dealing with deep-seated pain and trauma.
3. Communicating what you need.
It helps to be able to communicate what is overwhelming out when reaching out for support and what you need from those people.
When I was leading a retreat recently, there was a time when I felt a little inundated due to a combination of factors. I felt my shoulders tense up and my heart rate increase. Something was up and I listened to my body.
At that moment, all I had to say was, “Hey guys, I’m feeling a little frazzled and overstimulated right now. I’d really love it if I could just have a few moments to myself to process and get centered.”
I named what I was feeling and kindly asked for what I needed. The guests were more than understanding…well, they get it. They’re highly sensitive introverts! Later I thanked the group for giving me those few moments that made such a difference.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, sometimes the support you need is for others to honor your need for space. Giving yourself permission to make this request and communicating at the right time can be the difference between escalation and self-regulation.
Support can come in many forms.
Sometimes you need someone to simply listen. Other times it’s helpful to bounce ideas off someone. And even other times, you need the help of a trained professional to identify what’s overwhelming you and take the lead in helping you cope and prioritize.
If you lack a support network, you might consider turning to a therapist, teacher, spiritual leader, or colleague. Or there are support groups, community centers, places of worship, and other organizations that serve various needs. Other resources include online chat forums and Hotline Phone Numbers.
What about you? When you’re feeling overwhelmed and need support, what have you found most helpful?
