For HSPs Who Struggle with Holiday Rituals

Do you struggle with holiday rituals?

While much of the world is excited to celebrate the holidays again, you might have mixed feelings. You may be grateful to gather with loved ones and simultaneously dread certain aspects of the holidays.

Many people have a hard time with the holidays for a variety of reasons from grief to financial stress to overwhelm by the bustle of it all.

However, for HSPs, it can go even deeper.

If you feel disconnected from some of the holiday rituals and traditions you grew up with, you’re not alone.

I’ve heard from quite a few HSPs recently who share similar sentiments.

For HSPs who are deep feelers and thinkers, crave meaning, and are often highly aware of their social and environmental impact, it’s not hard to see why.

Some holiday rituals may be in conflict with what you value.

With Thanksgiving one week away, I’ll say I have a hard time celebrating this day that has attempted to erase and rewrite history. It’s not easy to reconcile this with my values of truth and human dignity.

I struggle with the chaotic pace and excessive consumerism of Christmas. This directly conflicts with my values of meaning, simplicity, and reducing environmental impact.

I feel sad when we condition children to believe that if they’re “good” then they’re deserving of new objects that offer a blip of temporary satisfaction before they end up in a landfill. My yoga and social work values tell me that this messaging is a recipe for human suffering.

I could go on, but then all of these struggles with holiday rituals make me feel like a curmudgeon.

So, I aim to find some semblance of balance with…

• When to speak truth and when to let things go.
• When to bow out and when to participate.
• When to honor tradition and when to evolve.

I also aim to explore ways to honor myself, loved ones, ancestors, indigenous people, and land and natural cycles to which we belong.

I invite you to explore too.

4 Tips for HSPs Who Struggle with Holiday Rituals

1) Focus on qualities worth keeping. 

You don’t have to connect with every aspect of a holiday ritual to find meaning and purpose in it. There may be a simple way to align with your values that doesn’t hurt or offend the traditionalists in your life.

Of course, many focus on gratitude at Thanksgiving. This whole month I’ve been taking inventory of my internal and external resources that I have to be grateful for and sharing them in support of others.

You might also birth a new holiday ritual out of an old tradition. A participant from our HSP Circle recently mentioned that each Thanksgiving she donates to the tribe that is native to the ancestral land she resides on.

• What part of this holiday ritual could be meaningful?
• What qualities would you like to experience?
• How can you bring those qualities in through yourself?
• How might you impact others?

2) Get curious and allow yourself to be creative. 

Reconsider ritual. Open to the possibility of rituals that feel meaningful to you and perhaps some people around you. It need not be elaborate or take a lot of time. Feel into what connects you to your inner and outer landscapes.

You may look back over the pandemic to see if there’s a ritual you’d like to carry forth. Last Christmas, we had a socially distant bonfire at my sister’s house. This year, we don’t need to be outside in our cold Chicago winter, but we’ve decided to bundle up and keep this going.

• What is nature telling you in this season?
• What matters to you most?
• What would be a meaningful way to honor this time?

3) Clarify your own boundaries and have the courage to stand in them.

You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. It’s okay to prioritize and bow out of some things to preserve your energy. This may be the very choice that allows you to show up more fully to the people and traditions that matter to you. Decide ahead of time what you’re going to do (or not) and communicate clearly and kindly.

Refrain from saying no out of avoidance or yes out of a need to please people. Listen to that inner nudge when it’s honestly reminding you to take care of yourself.

• If your body could speak, what would it request?
• What is one tradition or engagement you might decline?
• Where might you push yourself a little to participate?

4) Allow yourself to find the joy and moments of connection.

Building on the last question, at times it’s important to use your HS empathy to step outside of yourself and recognize what matters to your loved ones. This is not to say you should partake in something that feels unsafe, causes harm, or pressures you to be someone you’re not.

Yet, there are likely rituals that feel meaningful to loved ones, even if they don’t to you. Being able to find joy in contexts that might be a little challenging can be profound.

• What matters to your loved ones that you can honor?
• Where can you find a spark of joy for yourself in those moments?

Holiday rituals may involve some struggles for HSPs, but they can also be powerful times and spaces to bond with community, nature, and of course, yourself.

If this post was helpful, check out: 8 HSP Holiday Anxiety Triggers + How to Cope